50 goddamn dates!

Okay... after a marriage, divorce, some lame dates, a boyfriend, a break up, some more lame dates, another boyfriend, another break up and some more lame dates.... I have decided to experiment and not only write about the lame dates and name them, but to go on 50 dates by the time I turn 36. I believe this way, on my 36th year, I will have ALL the experience necessary to spot out the one in a million man that isn't a loser, douchebag, retard, nerd, cool guy, desperate guy, mean guy, show off guy, user guy, cheater guy. I just might actually meet one that might fit the bill of a cool, well traveled, educated, viral, nice man. But- I must weed out all the others in the mean time....

There are some rules here. Minor, but I do have standards you know.

1. If this is from an online dating sight... I must see a minimum of 3 pictures. No one shot deal.

2. We must have 2 phone conversations, texting does not count as a conversation.

3. The bottom of the barrel standards- Kids, Car, Job, Jail. They can get only ONE wrong.

4. Absolutely NO neck tattoo's. Or names. Sleeves okay...

5. Must be between 29-39. 28 and 40 on rare occasions and must have prior approval from either Kyla or Kyna.

6. Live within 40 miles

7. Must have had a relationship that has lasted over 1 year in their lifespan.

8. BONUS POINTS: Likes to travel

Okay, now that we got that out of the way, there are a few rules for the dates once I get them.

1. They cannot pick me up at my house. Under no circumstances can this be broken. 2 reasons. One: they could be a psycho fuck and kill me or stalk me. Two: I might give them a kiss goodnight which could lead to possible screwage. Not acceptable on first date.

2. They must open doors. Restaurant doors, car doors, any damn door.

3. They must pay. Or offer to pay.

4. Getting a casual drink is preferred, but IF we are to do dinner it will be one of two dinners. Sushi or Tapas. No exceptions. They will then be screwtinized on how they order these lovely dishes. Part of the experiment...

5. I can have NO MORE then 2 drinks. Any more then that and it could lead to possible screwage and that is not acceptable on the first date.

After Date:

1. Maximum contact: Kissing and groping next to the car. If they want a little more nookie, then they are going to have to work for it by 2 more dates. Not hanging out. DATES. Not just chillen at the pad. DATES. Acceptable dates: Movies, dinner, drinks, museum, lunch, coffee, hike, a walk, anything outside of a living room couch and TV.

I think I have the rules set. Now to name the dates, I will give their name (If I can remember), age, where we met, and their nickname that came out of the date. I will then rate the date 1-10. An 8, 9, 10 will be dates that I would like to see again.

Okay, let the fun begin......