Okay... I doubt any men will be reading this anytime soon before they start meeting girls online but I feel oh so compelled to write a do and don't list of things for a guy in order to pick up a chick.
DONT: Put 69 anywhere in your screen name. Unless you are 21 and a hot horny kid, it is just lame. Immediately a women will think that this is all you are after. If that is all you are after then go put a post up on Craigslist, don't join a dating site. Here are a few screen names of men who have recently sent me messages:
NJBOSS69, Nicebadboy6969, Ducci69, Foxglove69, uandme6969, 33Billy69... the list goes on and on... Here are a few other names men should not use: freakytoall, single2long, lonelyguy321,.... anything that has to do with being pathetically single or too freaky.
DONT: Insult a girl if she declines to go out with you. Poor poor taste. Tacky Tacky. Have class at all times when trying to online date.
DONT: Use these one liners that I have now recieved in the past 2 days:
Christopher925: mmm lets get married
C4Tony: good morning r u online if yes hit me back 4realdeal lol
Goiono29:how are you tonigth ? you so beautiful !, do you have msn us can talk more? my msn is michellbruno26@ hotmail.com see you soon .
Sam1965: meet me in Sausalito now
Tiger813: Hot
Treeher:hello is this for real?
It goes on and on for the lame first email tactics.
My advice, ask a question on anything you think she might like. Which entails possibly READING her profile. There will probably be something in there that has some detail of her personality.
"Where is your favorite place you traveled?"
"I see you cook, what is your favorite dish to make?"
Anything of interest. Anything. Just don't be super lame. Stand out a little bit. There are so many douchebags on the internet, just one little shining light might make it through to a response if you just put a little thought into it.
DONT: I have said it before and I will say it again. REFRAIN FROM USING LOL. Are you really typing an email to a girl and laughing out loud the entire time? Creepy. Is it really that funny that it deserves a LOL after it? Save that one. Hold on to it. Use it so sparingly that you only write it when you are mid text or mid email and she says something hilarious and witty. Dont use smiley faces. Just don't do it.
DONT: Lie about your age or put up pictures more then a year old. You are eventually going to have to tell the truth and if all goes well, eventually meet that person in living color. Why make the person think you look like you still did when you were 25?
DONT: Put up pictures with a funny face. I.e. sticking tounge out, scrunching up face, sticking finger in nose, etc.... enough said.
DONT: Put up a picture of you in your underwear. Tacky. Even if you have an incredible body, don't do it. Again, tacky.
To be continued... I am sure there are many more to come....
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Here we go again!
Okay, back again... Well what the hell am I supposed to do, just work all day and not play on the internet meeting guys?
I found this new site called singlesnet.com and started a profile on it. Within a minute I got like 40 emails, winks, icebreakers, hello's... you name it. I mean, granted, they were all like mid 40's lake county looking fools, but it was some pretty crazy immediate attention. Its been about 5 days and I now have 1000 of such emails.
I got pretty interested in this one guy who seemed pretty hot. He was 35 lives in SF, owns a construction company, outsources different jobs so he was out of the country for a few weeks. So we chat a bit, he basically lays it on thick of how great he thinks I am. It was pretty intriguing for a while and I was totally interested in talking or meeting up. Well then thats when the funny stuff started. So I give him my # and he said that he will get a calling card to call. Then he said its not working. Then I said, give me your number... that didnt work, then he disappears for the night. Then he reappears later and is all sweet and shit, and I say, send me another pictures... no picture. So I tell Kyla about it and she thinks he might be one of those scams that gets you to chat with them and then has you cash some cashiers check for him down the road! A total scam artist! HAHAHAHA, turns out he totally was! I caught on to him before hand but how funny. I was hit up by a scammer. Classic.
So then I get a bazillion emails and such, none of the guys that great, very few and far between... But 2 did catch my eye. John and Jason. So I just had lunch with John. He is 35, contractor, owns a business, has a 7 year old son, very flirtatious and we meet up and he is kind of shy! So we have lunch, it was decent- kind of boring, but then when he walks me out he starts being kind of flirty again. I was still kind of up in the air so whatever.... well he just sent me a text saying thanks for lunch, you are definitely hotter then your pictures, and he wants to see me again. Okay... we'll see where this goes.
Jason. He lives in Oakland, he's mixed black and white, 36. He works for a lawfirm in the day time and is working on his music career at night. Hes about 6'1 bigger guy, and for some reason, we seem to really hit it off quickly. We will probably meet up this week sometime.
We shall see..... but I guess so far so good for this site. Except this mean guy that after I said no thank you to a date called me a fat bitch. Is this some regular term men seem to call girls that aren't skinny when they don't get their way? At first they think your hot, then all of a sudden when you shoot them down you become some enormous hippo? I didnt even have a body picture up. Fucker.
I think on my next post I will copy and paste some of the beginning emails that guys send over to try to attract my attention. Jesus, these men need to read a fucking book on how to date. Shit, or at least read my blog of what NOT TO DO.
I found this new site called singlesnet.com and started a profile on it. Within a minute I got like 40 emails, winks, icebreakers, hello's... you name it. I mean, granted, they were all like mid 40's lake county looking fools, but it was some pretty crazy immediate attention. Its been about 5 days and I now have 1000 of such emails.
I got pretty interested in this one guy who seemed pretty hot. He was 35 lives in SF, owns a construction company, outsources different jobs so he was out of the country for a few weeks. So we chat a bit, he basically lays it on thick of how great he thinks I am. It was pretty intriguing for a while and I was totally interested in talking or meeting up. Well then thats when the funny stuff started. So I give him my # and he said that he will get a calling card to call. Then he said its not working. Then I said, give me your number... that didnt work, then he disappears for the night. Then he reappears later and is all sweet and shit, and I say, send me another pictures... no picture. So I tell Kyla about it and she thinks he might be one of those scams that gets you to chat with them and then has you cash some cashiers check for him down the road! A total scam artist! HAHAHAHA, turns out he totally was! I caught on to him before hand but how funny. I was hit up by a scammer. Classic.
So then I get a bazillion emails and such, none of the guys that great, very few and far between... But 2 did catch my eye. John and Jason. So I just had lunch with John. He is 35, contractor, owns a business, has a 7 year old son, very flirtatious and we meet up and he is kind of shy! So we have lunch, it was decent- kind of boring, but then when he walks me out he starts being kind of flirty again. I was still kind of up in the air so whatever.... well he just sent me a text saying thanks for lunch, you are definitely hotter then your pictures, and he wants to see me again. Okay... we'll see where this goes.
Jason. He lives in Oakland, he's mixed black and white, 36. He works for a lawfirm in the day time and is working on his music career at night. Hes about 6'1 bigger guy, and for some reason, we seem to really hit it off quickly. We will probably meet up this week sometime.
We shall see..... but I guess so far so good for this site. Except this mean guy that after I said no thank you to a date called me a fat bitch. Is this some regular term men seem to call girls that aren't skinny when they don't get their way? At first they think your hot, then all of a sudden when you shoot them down you become some enormous hippo? I didnt even have a body picture up. Fucker.
I think on my next post I will copy and paste some of the beginning emails that guys send over to try to attract my attention. Jesus, these men need to read a fucking book on how to date. Shit, or at least read my blog of what NOT TO DO.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Fuck it, I'm done
Well, I went to Thailand! Amazing amazing. Oh god, back to dating? I'm taking it slow. I am beginning to lose faith in the man species.
Well two things... I had to go an call Jeremy (aka booty call) because it was just getting out of hand this whole no sex thing. So he came over as expected within 24 hours of my text and damn he was good. Like better then ever before. Thank god for Jeremy.
Okay, back to this dating thing...
So this guy has kept messaging me, he had a great body. Like GREAT body. He was a student at Berekely for pre law. He's 35 so getting a little late start, but hey, better late then never right?
First night we were supposed to meet up, he got caught up and was late. I said we can meet later if you want, well he was even late for that so I said just forget it, we can plan for another day. He said Saturday? I said sure.
So Saturday comes he sends a text that says 8:30-9 okay? I said yeah, great. 9 comes around he texts and says, sorry- running late how is 10-10:30. I said 10 please. 10.
He calls at 10:30 and says he is leaving now. 11pm comes he says he is on the bridge. 11:30 comes he said he is getting off my exit. 11:45 he says he lost his hat under his car, he will be here soon. WHAT? He shows up at midnight. Kill me now.
We head out to get a beer. The place is closing at 1, so we have one beer. He talks so much I think he is on speed. Turns out he said he is ADHD. Then he talks about ADHD people like they are a group of friends. "Well you see, we are always late. We think we can get there on time always, so we leave late. Its like a game to see if we can get there on time"
So we leave soon, after 1 beer each. He starts saying, well lets go to a liquor store and get some more to drink. I said, no- Im tired. He said, well maybe a glass of wine at your house? I say sure (knowing I have no wine at my house). He comes up and I say, oh no~ no wine! He said, would you care if I went to the gas station and get something? I said, yes actually I would mind. I said I was tired. He didnt move. I said I am probably ready for bed. He said, well let me sober up a little bit and then I will leave. He doesnt leave. So I start text messaging Kyna. She gives me a brilliant suggestion to just start smoking cigarettes since he is such a freak about health and his body. So I do. GENIUS MOVE! He gets up and say's okay, I'm out of here... Thank god. He then calls me 10 minutes later to ask for directions home and to say sorry for being late. Can we go on another date? Oh my god, leave me alone.
I can't do this.
I cannot go on any more fucking retarded dates.
I think I am going to stick to working out and fantasizing about the trainer dude that works there and is so hot. He is perfect. Especially because we have never talked. He will stay perfect as long as he never opens his mouth.
Good bye dating. I put a good effort into you, but we are not meant to be.
Well two things... I had to go an call Jeremy (aka booty call) because it was just getting out of hand this whole no sex thing. So he came over as expected within 24 hours of my text and damn he was good. Like better then ever before. Thank god for Jeremy.
Okay, back to this dating thing...
So this guy has kept messaging me, he had a great body. Like GREAT body. He was a student at Berekely for pre law. He's 35 so getting a little late start, but hey, better late then never right?
First night we were supposed to meet up, he got caught up and was late. I said we can meet later if you want, well he was even late for that so I said just forget it, we can plan for another day. He said Saturday? I said sure.
So Saturday comes he sends a text that says 8:30-9 okay? I said yeah, great. 9 comes around he texts and says, sorry- running late how is 10-10:30. I said 10 please. 10.
He calls at 10:30 and says he is leaving now. 11pm comes he says he is on the bridge. 11:30 comes he said he is getting off my exit. 11:45 he says he lost his hat under his car, he will be here soon. WHAT? He shows up at midnight. Kill me now.
We head out to get a beer. The place is closing at 1, so we have one beer. He talks so much I think he is on speed. Turns out he said he is ADHD. Then he talks about ADHD people like they are a group of friends. "Well you see, we are always late. We think we can get there on time always, so we leave late. Its like a game to see if we can get there on time"
So we leave soon, after 1 beer each. He starts saying, well lets go to a liquor store and get some more to drink. I said, no- Im tired. He said, well maybe a glass of wine at your house? I say sure (knowing I have no wine at my house). He comes up and I say, oh no~ no wine! He said, would you care if I went to the gas station and get something? I said, yes actually I would mind. I said I was tired. He didnt move. I said I am probably ready for bed. He said, well let me sober up a little bit and then I will leave. He doesnt leave. So I start text messaging Kyna. She gives me a brilliant suggestion to just start smoking cigarettes since he is such a freak about health and his body. So I do. GENIUS MOVE! He gets up and say's okay, I'm out of here... Thank god. He then calls me 10 minutes later to ask for directions home and to say sorry for being late. Can we go on another date? Oh my god, leave me alone.
I can't do this.
I cannot go on any more fucking retarded dates.
I think I am going to stick to working out and fantasizing about the trainer dude that works there and is so hot. He is perfect. Especially because we have never talked. He will stay perfect as long as he never opens his mouth.
Good bye dating. I put a good effort into you, but we are not meant to be.
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