What not to do.... a guide to online dating for retards.

Okay... I doubt any men will be reading this anytime soon before they start meeting girls online but I feel oh so compelled to write a do and don't list of things for a guy in order to pick up a chick.

DONT: Put 69 anywhere in your screen name. Unless you are 21 and a hot horny kid, it is just lame. Immediately a women will think that this is all you are after. If that is all you are after then go put a post up on Craigslist, don't join a dating site. Here are a few screen names of men who have recently sent me messages:
NJBOSS69, Nicebadboy6969, Ducci69, Foxglove69, uandme6969, 33Billy69... the list goes on and on... Here are a few other names men should not use: freakytoall, single2long, lonelyguy321,.... anything that has to do with being pathetically single or too freaky.

DONT: Insult a girl if she declines to go out with you. Poor poor taste. Tacky Tacky. Have class at all times when trying to online date.

DONT: Use these one liners that I have now recieved in the past 2 days:

Christopher925: mmm lets get married
C4Tony: good morning r u online if yes hit me back 4realdeal lol
Goiono29:how are you tonigth ? you so beautiful !, do you have msn us can talk more? my msn is michellbruno26@ hotmail.com see you soon .
Sam1965: meet me in Sausalito now
Tiger813: Hot
Treeher:hello is this for real?

It goes on and on for the lame first email tactics.

My advice, ask a question on anything you think she might like. Which entails possibly READING her profile. There will probably be something in there that has some detail of her personality.
"Where is your favorite place you traveled?"
"I see you cook, what is your favorite dish to make?"

Anything of interest. Anything. Just don't be super lame. Stand out a little bit. There are so many douchebags on the internet, just one little shining light might make it through to a response if you just put a little thought into it.

DONT: I have said it before and I will say it again. REFRAIN FROM USING LOL. Are you really typing an email to a girl and laughing out loud the entire time? Creepy. Is it really that funny that it deserves a LOL after it? Save that one. Hold on to it. Use it so sparingly that you only write it when you are mid text or mid email and she says something hilarious and witty. Dont use smiley faces. Just don't do it.

DONT: Lie about your age or put up pictures more then a year old. You are eventually going to have to tell the truth and if all goes well, eventually meet that person in living color. Why make the person think you look like you still did when you were 25?

DONT: Put up pictures with a funny face. I.e. sticking tounge out, scrunching up face, sticking finger in nose, etc.... enough said.

DONT: Put up a picture of you in your underwear. Tacky. Even if you have an incredible body, don't do it. Again, tacky.

To be continued... I am sure there are many more to come....